eastendersfandomcom-20200215-history
Script peeks
2014 Friday 28th March Mick: Bill… Bill… Bill… I'm going to start calling you that from now on. Masood: Hey, I'm just the messenger. Monday 31st March David: Homework? Tiffany: Yes. David: Trainers? Morgan: Yes. David: Chocolate that you're not meant to have and I didn't see you taking? Tiffany / Morgan: No! Monday 1st April Lauren: Ah, the good old mocktail. What happens if you drink too much vitamin C? Peter: Not that much, buzz-wise. Lauren: Happy days. Friday 4th April Tina: Check her out. Su Pollard called. She wants her glasses back. Nancy: Who's Su Pollard? Monday 7th April Ronnie: You want to know what's under that overcoat? Roxy: I do not… Ronnie: I've seen him in the gym. Sweaty…tousled….lycra… Roxy: Ronnie… Ronnie: Curves in all the right places... Tuesday 8th April Jake: What's her name? Aleks: She's no one. Jake: Yeah, right, that'll be why you came in so pleased with yourself? Thursday 10th April Ronnie: Maybe you're better off just being single for a while. Roxy: And then what? I end up in some high-rise, stinking of cats. Thursday 10th April Lola: Look at me. Everthing I wear is either knock-off or second hand. Roxy: Come on. Peter wouldn't care if you showed up in a bin bag. Monday 14th April Ian: I'm not in the mood for any more trouble. Lucy: I'm not here to cause trouble. Tuesday 15th April Terry: Anyone sat here? Or just your pretend boyfriend? Whitney: He was being a prat. Terry: Good looking prat. Monday 21st April Kat: …If it was me I'd cut it off. Bianca: And mince it. Kat: And serve it to him in a bun. Friday 9th May Lola: I'm making dinner for Peter. Billy: Stay there. Let me sort you out with some chips. Monday 12th May Carol: '''Are you eating again? '''David: '''I'm a growing boy. Monday 12th May '''Mick: Don't you think one foghorn's enough in this gaff? Linda: Are you talking about me!? Friday 16th May Sharon: We can pretend we're a couple of teenagers going on our first date. Phil: Let's not get carried away. Friday 16th May Linda: Come on, Mick. It'll really cheer her up seeing your face. Mick: How many times do I have to say it? I ain't skyping a dog. Monday 19th May Tina: Like Dad seriously would have lifted a finger. Didn't want to move away from his crossword more like. Monday 27th May Whitney: Something old. That's the first one, isn't it? Carol: Well that's easy enough, just look at the bride. Friday 25th July Stan: R.U.M. What's it spell? Shirley: Liver failure. You don't even drink rum. Thursday 31st July Aleks: Have you seen Alfie? Sharon: Hiding behind the baked beans? Friday 4th August Alfie: You know what they say about rules. Meant to be broken and all that. Aleks: On the contrary, rules are there to be observed. At all times. Wednesday 6th August Alfie: Can we go to the chippy first? I'm starving. Kat: Jealous of my bump or something? Monday 11th August Nancy: We should go over there. Stick some manky prawns through her letterbox. Lee: Pipe down, they'll hear you… Thursday 14th August Sonia: So remember, it's carbs before exercise and protein after… Sharon: I thought it was wine after? Monday 18th August Dot: Bianca was a lovely girl, but some of these outfits…They're enough to bring on one of my migraines. Friday 22nd August Lauren: Had a quiet night in, did we Dad? Max: Don't start on me, Lauren. You're the one who came slamming in last night - stomping up the stairs. Monday 25th August Terry: She has a point Bianca. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Bianca: No. But if you bend down, I could look at my reflection in your head. Monday 1st September Bianca: How did I end up with such noisy kids? Whitney: You ain't exactly Tinkerbell yourself though, are you? Tuesday 2nd September Kat: Half the food's still frozen. Alfie: Bianca won't notice. We'll get her on Mo's cheap Hungarian red. Monday 8th September Aunt Babe : About as lively as a funeral parlour in here. Someone died? Nancy : Just Lee's chances of getting a date again. Monday 8th September Sonia: You've killed every plant you've ever owned, including the fake ones. Bianca: I can learn, I'll be like that Charlie Dimmock. Friday 12th September Bianca: You're arrogant, you're smug and that hair? You do know it ain't the 80's? Aleks: Pitch fees. Kat:You'll get them. Monday 15th September Shirley: Speak of the devil. You alright there? Linda: I've just lost my earring to a urinal cake so you tell me. Monday 15th September Kat: Alfie, we're going! If I'm not back by ten I've chucked you for a stripper! Alfie: Yeah, right. I'm not that lucky, babe! Friday 19th September Max: How about pasta? I make a mean spag bol. Abi: You really don't, Dad. Lauren:'Why don't we order a takeaway,might be safer all round? Wednesday 24th December 'Patrick: "I heard there's free mulled wine." Denise: "You really don't, Dad." 2015 Monday 26th January Donna Yates: D'you sing in the shower? Alfie Moon: Yes! I love to belt out a good tune while I'm lathering myself up in the morning. Thursday 29th January Mo Harris: Come on, girls! Get your stretchy skirts for a tenner. Extra lycra, cheaper than a tummy tuck. Monday 9th February Jane Beale: Roses or Gardenias for table centres? Ian Beale: Whichever's the cheapest. Thursday 26th March Alfie Moon: I'm just saying, you know your kiwis from your kumquats. I thought we could help each other out. Tuesday 14th April Max Branning: Fix the car Jay. That's what I pay you for. Don't need counselling from a teenager. Tuesday 12th May *Whitney Dean: I am not bossy. Am I? Lee? *Lee Carter: No. *Nancy Carter: A little bit bossy Thursday 28th May *Sonia Jackson: Kim's taking ages. *Tina Carter: Thought she'd be dancing on tables by now Monday 8th June *Lola Pearce: We do hair. Not rugs. Coming in with a barnet like that!. *Dean Wicks: Annoyed Lola. Monday 6th July *Lily Branning: Don't like it… *Martin Fowler: It's good for you. Peppa Pig likes apples. Thursday 9th July *Nancy Carter: Finally got out of your pit then? *Lee Carter: I'm not at work 'till two. Sue me if I want a lie in for a change.. Tuesday 28th July *Pam Coker: Excellent. Nip home, get changed. Don't want you mucking up your suit. *Billy Mitchell: Les said I'd just be blowing up a few balloons. Tuesday 28th July *Bobby Beale : Did you see that, Dad? *Cindy Williams Jnr: Well done, just slaughtered a load of pixels. What's the potato Friday 31st July *Mick Carter: Your family have been in pubs for well over a century. *Linda Carter: What you talking about? *Mick Carter: Well your mum has. What is she now? 150? Thursday 6th August *Kush Kazemi: Hello you. How you feeling? *Shabnam Masood: Fat. Friday 28th August *Arthur 'Fatboy' Chubb: You were priceless last night..... *Martin Fowler: You taking our order? *Arthur 'Fatboy' Chubb: Sorry. So what you having to drink? Tequila? Tuesday 1st September *Masood Ahmed: You're always wanted your little boy back haven't you? No life of your own, better take this Thursday 3rd September *Shirley Carter: Open up! *Tina Carter: Can't see nothing *Shirley Carter: She's in there, thieving cow! Friday 4th September *Mick Carter: Do you know what his job was? *Tina Carter: Spud peeler? *Mick Carter: Burying the bodies. Tuesday 6th October *Babe Smith: He prefers older women. *Elaine Peacock: Not that old! I mean - fifty shades of grey roots? Thursday 15th October *Masood Ahmed: Ah. Every man needs a shed. *Stacey Branning: Some men need a slap Monday 5th October *Elaine Peacock: Why can I feel my ears burning? *Babe Smith: Cheap earrings? Friday 2nd October *Tina Carter: Reckon she keeps disguises under her bed? Like, maybe she's a spy and living the life of a domestic drudge has been her cover all along? Tuesday 5th November *Whitney Dean: Is this you being nice to me then? *Elaine Peacock: You lucky thing. Monday 23rd November *Sharon Mitchell: It's what families do, Phil. They sit together. Eat together. Enjoy each other's company. *Phil Mitchell: This ain't Little House on the Prairie. Friday 27th November *Tamwar Masood: Oh no. Does that mean they're going to stop posting pics of what they're eating every day? Oh look! A stuffed aubergine. In soft focus. Wednesday 23rd December *Shirley Carter: What do you want to get your grandad? *Jade Green: Something that stops him stinking of fish. *Shirley Carter: Bleach it is then. Thursday 24th December *Dot Branning: But Mrs Peacock will be expecting me at her nativity. *Fatboy: I heard Bethlehem was full of elves and goblins. *Dot Branning:: Oh, I say. *Fatboy: And Mary. She's into 2016 Thursday 18th February *Sonia Fowler: Hi... *Martin Fowler: Didn't recognise you minus the prawn bikini. Friday 19th February *Sharon Mitchell: Last chance Denny. Or that games console goes back to the shop. *Dennis Rickman Jnr: That's what you always say. *Sharon Mitchell: Don't push me. Tuesday 23rd February *Kim Fox-Hubbard: I tell you, that looks like legitimate fun. *Denise Fox: I wouldn't bounce in that outfit if I were you. Not with children about. Friday 4th March *Ronnie Mitchell: This is the real world, not Honeyland - where love conquers all. Thursday 9th June *Kathy Beale: What about Kim, think she’d fancy a shift? *Denise Fox: You must be desperate. Friday 10th June *Buster Briggs: What's the matter? Not got one of your winning smiles for me today? *Donna Yates: Nope. But I've got two butt cheeks you can kiss. Monday 27th June *Amy Mitchell: He stopped moving. He’d been eating Mummy’s sherbet. *Roxy Mitchell: It was cocaine. My cocaine. Monday 11th July *Shirley Carter: He wanted me… Buster just looks straight through me. *Linda Carter: You and Buster, you’re the big Hollywood romance… you and Phil… Thursday 14th July *Carmel Kazemi: I’m just saying!! Age ain't nothing but a number, is it, girls? I can do things I never imagined in my twenties. *Shirley Carter: What like? Knitting? I’m going to the khazi. Them squats played havoc with my pelvic floor. Tuesday 19th July *Phil Mitchell: When did we get so old and useless? *Ian Beale: (Of helping Phil) This is me volunteering, Phil. 'Care in the community'. You are my ex step dad. I am a man in my prime, thanks. Friday 29th July *Andy Flynn: Mate. If I wanted to check out your berries – I’d have gone to your stall. *Kyle Slater: Best hurry this up. Gonna put people off their food. Friday 5th August *Babe Smith: Oh come on! It was girl talk. Nothing malicious. *Linda Carter: You're not a girl Babe, you're an old woman! Tuesday 9th August *Kathy Beale: Grant! *Grant Mitchell: I heard you were back from the dead. Monday 22nd August *Babe Smith: Think I'm breaking bread with a murderer? *Mick Carter: Attempted. *Babe Smith: Oh sorry, excuse me, attempted murderer. Monday 29th August *Ben Mitchell: You said you were going to follow him from work. *Jay Mitchell: I ain’t Jason Bourne you know! Monday 29th August *Kim Fox-Hubbard: Pop that hip, Dot – come on! *Dot Branning: If I pop a hip out, it shan’t go back in, Kimberley. Monday 19th September *Lee Carter: But I've already... (tried asking Jack for mates rates). *Mick Carter: But. But. Jack Branning has had a thing going for me ever since I snogged him. Monday 19th September *Linda Carter: This is me ain’t it? Is it me? Is it my fault? Have I turned into my mother? *Mick Carter: Oh come on. No. No. Your hair’s longer. Friday 23rd September *Masood Ahmed: Am I insane? *Denise Fox: Yes. But you were married to Zainab for thirty odd years. You can get through that, you can do anything. Thursday 13th October *Billy Mitchell: You’re good at bossing people… any tips? *Claudette Hubbard: Yeah… grow a pair. Thursday 13th October *Denise Fox: How can widening my horizons be boring? *Kim Fox-Hubbard: You gonna sit at the front of the class, give Jorgen a bit of the old Sharon Stone, eh? That kind of widening? *Denise Fox: I’ve told you, it’s not Friday 14th October *Whitney Dean: Why do they call you Moose? *Moose: Cos a moose is bigger than a donkey. (MOOSE winks at WHITNEY. She blushes, a little shocked). Tuesday 18th October *Jack Branning: Oh, here she is, Lewis Hamilton. Best of luck with the test. *Kim Fox-Hubbard: Hey D, you got any of those ‘stick your luck up your butt’ cards? Thursday 20th October *Linda Carter: SINGING And if that green bottle should accidentally fall, there’ll be no green bottles hanging on the wall. *Babe Smith: Oh it’s you. Thought that tom cat was randy again. Monday 7th November *Mick Carter: Here he is, Richard Branson! How’s life in the fast lane, son? *Lee Carter: BREEZY Yeah – pretty fast. Friday 11th November *Belinda Peacock: Age is just a number. It’s all in the mind.Sharon: And the face, and the back… *Linda Carter: HER BACK Oh the back! Monday 21st November *Phil Mitchell: Hands off. *Martin Fowler: Charming as ever. *Donna Yates: Gets any more yellow – he’ll turn into a minion. (Of PHIL) Monday 28th November *Jack Branning: We’ve had mishaps. That rabbit wasn’t a fan… but ultimately, you’re a good person, Rox. *Roxy Mitchell: Shut up. Tuesday 29th November *Stacey Fowler: I wasn’t thinking. When I said about underwear. *Jane Beale: (Wry) Now I’m out of incontinence pads, sexy underwear might be nice. Thursday 15th December *Phil Mitchell: (Reminiscing) Party hats tore, soon as you got ‘em on. Bad jokes. Here, what does Santa do with fat elves!? *Jay Mitchell: Sends them to an Elf Farm! Thursday 22nd December *Phil Mitchell: (Wheezes) I’ve got a job for ya. *Billy Mitchell: A job? What job? *Phil Mitchell: My funeral. Sunday 25th December *Tina Carter: Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? *Shirley Carter: He was picking his nose! Sunday 25th December *Dot Branning: My eyes are fine. *Patrick Trueman: Really? So why are you calling that tom cat Ethel? *Dot Branning: Oh... Ethel's got a little willy. (DOT has a little smile at this - the irony) Tuesday 27th December *Aunt Sal: What on earth have you two come as? *Tina Carter & Shirley Carter: It's Ibiza fancy dress, isn't it? *Aunt Sal: It looks like two hookers got the wrong address. *Shirley Carter: He was picking his nose! Category:Spoiler